My 23rd Birthday

Well, after almost a week of revelries and gifties in the mail, I'd say my birthday celebrations are over. I started out on July 11 (my actual bday) with a few cards in the mail and an evening after work spent at the Calgary Stampede eating birthday-mini-doughnuts and watching the chuckwagon races followed by the grandstand show. It was fun, and I feel like I've 'done' the Stampede now. There is now no more need for big hats, belt buckles, plaid, and cowboy boots, in my opinion.

I read my horoscope on my birthday and as is to be expected, it was entirely vague and seemed to be written for someone else. (which it probably was) I found it funny yet poignant at the same time when it said: "this year might be your best year yet" I felt like saying: "or it might not."?!?

Horoscope aside, I do hope this year is better. Birthdays have always been an important affair in my family, especially my mothers family. It seems like the last two people who held up this tradition for my special day were Grampa and Mum so this year's celebrations seem to have something lacking. I miss Mum's birthday packages of little presents, and I miss Grampa's phone call. For some reason I feel guilty for not having an actual birthday cake with candles on top, because I know they would think it a requirement for a birthday. Perhaps I shall get around to making some birthday carrot muffins. Or maybe I'll dig up Grannie's old recipie for Spink Special... that'll for sure be some nostalgia-comfort.

Last night was my actual birthday celebration with friends. Really, it was just an excuse to get together and party, but I love any excuse. The fantastic picture of me with the present was taken by Arif. It's handy having talented photographers around to elegantly record good moments. The thoughtful gift was a quickdry tshirt so I don't get so sweaty next time I climb a mountain. hehe. You guys are awesome. I have also recieved lovely cards as well as an Xavier Rudd cd, a pink tshirt, and a fantastic book (called Lamb) via canada post. I didn't get a tropical island, or a swimming pool, this year, but these gifts are waay better.

"so, how does it feel to be 23?" Obviously, it feels exactly the same as 22, but I'm slowly coming to a realization: I keep waiting to be a 'grownup' and it keeps not happening. While I was a child in my parents house, I saw them and figured that was what all people turned into when they grew up. I considered this to be the 'stationary grownup stage'. This feeling continued when I went to university, as I felt like I was just preparing for the career part of the 'stationary grownup stage'. Then when I graduated with my degree I realized that I was still, for some reason, not yet at the 'stationary grownup stage' so I went back to school for a masters... all the while waiting for real life to start. That was a long preamble, but my realization is this: I should stop considering all this as the prologue to my life, and realize that I'm actually already at chapter 8.

I'm pretty sure I'm right, but it's hard to grasp for the following reason: if you're still in the prologue, if you find yourself unhappy you can just tell yourself that it's okay and only temporary because it will all go away when you grow up and start the actual part of life you're supposed to enjoy.

Instead, I'm trying to accept what I already have as 'life' and adopt a more fluid sense of time and maturation (rather than expecting to wake up one morning to have it all figured out). It seems like the results are a "sieze the day" type of mentality. Or, as Grampa used to love saying: "just do it". Capitalize on what you enjoy and appreicate today instead of dreaming about an uncertain future that might let you down. I suppose this also comes with a requriement for faith. Faith that the things you've got going on right now that you don't like are going to change for the better in the future. And faith that you somehow have the power to make the change.

In the end, I still maintain that I am NOT a grownup, and I doubt that I will ever really be one. I'm having too much fun. :) hehe

but what do you think?